My very first royalties check from writing my debut memoir Moxy was 4,274.14. Getting those pings into my checking account taught me that no matter what, sometimes I am determined to feel bad about myself. I guess we imagine everything in the future, especially when it’s a seemingly unattainable goal - to be glittery, pastel, full of movement and life.
All I thought to myself was oh. I guess that’s two months' rent. I never knew the person who would rob me of the most joy in my life would be myself, coming from within. But I also never knew I’d ever be capable of making anything, either. And at the end of the day, when I think about it, it does feel like a bolt of magic and proof all wrapped up in one bank account ping. My very first royalty check, no matter how big or small, is physical evidence that something I created, something born in my brain and shaped by my hands exists in the world. It moved someone enough that they paid for it.
This painting is a portrait of courage. Of the various wavelengths required to walk through self-imposed fear and make something anyway, regardless of whatever the outcome may or may not be. This art is a reminder to not be the one that cuts up and pulls apart the joy you worked so hard for. Be bright, be loud. Even if you have to practice.
